The Numbers Game

April 15th, 2019 — 1:06pm

Someone asked me recently how much weight I lost. A lot, I said. She wasn’t satisfied. She wanted a number. I didn’t give it.

I’m not being coy, or modest for that matter. Playing the numbers game doesn’t work for me. It’s a way of measuring success, or beauty, or worthiness that depends entirely on an outside source of validation. This feels like a prison sentence to me. Why on earth would I give that power to anyone, or anything else?

I get that it’s useful for some, and I’m not immune to checking in. I weigh myself every once in a while. It can be useful information, but it’s not the answer to bodily happiness. The scale can never takes the place of developing your internal barometer of hunger and satiety, and that can be a long journey. Learning to listen, and learning to pay attention is the best gift you can give yourself. And just say no to that perfectionist voice that insists you get to a certain number on the scale. I call bullshit. Your happiness is not based on a number, it’s based on your relationship to your own body.

I’ve lost enough weight now that I can move more freely and lightly through the world. I’ve lost enough weight that my blood sugar and cholesterol levels have dropped considerably. I’ve lost enough weight that I can joyfully practice and teach Pilates.

We’re all embodied in a certain way. I’m curvy, even still, with my weight loss. And all I have to say to that is, Hallelujah!

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